Only a month in 2012 has just ended but only one month is enough for me to rethink about my priorities, my goals in life. It has been hell with emotions, like roller coaster rides; one minute it’s up and another minute it’s down - with no prior warnings at all.
Just a few days into the new year, Daddy was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors’ postulation: cecum cancer in the later phase of the second stage, if not, the third stage. It hit me like the lighting; fast and unexpected. I was shocked, I felt numb, in fact, I don’t know what was the feeling I had. It was a blur, so unreal. “What-if”s ran through my mind. I was up the whole night, reading up on cancer; how it happens, the classifications into the different stages and the available treatments. I could memorize everything - I would have aced the exam if there was one on cecum cancer.
I tried to remain strong, to remain composed so that Mummy could use me if she happens to need someone. Daddy was operated on the very next day to deal with the 3kg cancerous tumor. 15cm of his large intestine and his appendix were removed. The next few days was spent in the hospital and most of the time, I was in front of the Macbook, trying to source for the best cancer center and making plans to send Daddy to the USA for treatment. By this time, I was composed and ready to fight this battle with cancer. The only thing left now was the laboratory results which was due to be out in 3 days. It will be the confirmation to the doctors’ postulation and the only light of hope we had.
The once so healthy, bubbly and cheerful Daddy was thrown into despair, I could sense it even though he was trying hard to hide it with smiles on his face. It was definitely devastating to witness all of this happening but I was determined to look on the bright side, putting on a brave front and comforting everyone around me that things will be fine. “Things will be fine.”, “Everything will be fine.”, “Don’t worry, we will get through this.” I knew they are all tired of hearing the same things over and over again and deep down, I am secretly tired of saying it too. I knew I had to be strong, someone has to be the pillar and that’s me.
“Knock, knock.”, I woke up with a jump. It was about 10am and I was still asleep on the sofa-bed beside my Dad. A man in his fifties, a little hunched over from years of gravity pushing down his spine, slowly pushed the door open. My Dad’s doctor strolled into the ward, smiling as usual, and exclaimed in a chirpy tone “I have good news for you today!”. It was the results of the laboratory tests. It was found that Dad was one of those rare cases in which the cancer originates from the appendix, not the large intestine. The tumor has grown so huge that it has invaded into the connecting large intestine, misleading the doctors into thinking that it was cecum cancer. Furthermore, tumors originating from appendix are usually about 2cm in size, no larger than that but my Dad’s was about the size of a small pomelo. Yes, they are both cancers but the difference is super huge. Because the doctors had removed the appendix in the operation, my Dad is “free” from cancer for now!
It was definitely a VERY good news. However, the doctors are still discussing if my Dad needs chemotherapy to ensure that all the cancer cells are removed from his body. The passed few weeks have been filled with hospital visitings to ask for opinions from experts in cancer to aid in the decision-making. Praying hard that it will all goes well. Really glad to see him happy and well now. I really missed his nagging and his 1001 missed calls when he was hospitalized. Thank god he’s fine now. :D
The reason why I am blogging this out is to remind myself of my priorities and decisions. I asked myself what would I choose to do if I am not lucky, if I were destined to lost him, if I had only 5 more years with him. (Statistics in the net showed that patients with stage 3 cancer are most likely to live for 5 more years.) And this is how I will live my life from now on - to live my life as if there’s no tomorrow.
DEATH. It used to sound so far, but believe me, it is always near, right under your nose. My friend has just lost her mum to cancer today. So, really, cherish the ones around you, tell them you love them, tell them you miss them before everything is too late. LIFE IS SHORT, IT WILL END BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
“HELLO, FEBUARY! BYE, JANUARY!”, live life like there’s no tomorrow.
